Emoness. Wtf.

I want to release myself from this web of intricacies so badly.

I'm gonna type a tirade on why I hate life right now so you can not read if you don't want to. Wtf.

OK, I don't really hate life, but right now I just feel really down in the dumps and I want to type out a whole lot of rubbish somewhere.

I want to curl up in a ball and just hide under my blanket, hug my hippo soft toy and sleep as long as I can.. but I can't do that because I'd just be given an earful and I need to study for my Chemistry exam.

It's my last Chemistry paper so I must do good... I just don't feel like studying right now because I'm in a freaking abominable mood right now. I guess I'll start studying at 9pm..... 1 hour and 15 minutes to go.



Something's wrong with me lately, but I just can't seem to point out on what it is. I really don't know what's wrong myself..

My ear drums might go boom any second now because I'm playing extremely loud music into my ears at the moment. I can't hear anything but the music I'm listening to. Don't worry, I'm playing soft mellow Chinese music, only in high volume, so.. yeah. I also didn't put my iTunes on shuffle to lower the chances of my ears really exploding. HAHA.


Have you ever felt like no one cares about you? Like the world is crumbling down? Like your whole world is falling apart, and you're the only one feeling it?

You feel like crap, and you cry, but no one asks you what's wrong.


All they do is discriminate you. All they do is scold you. All they do is look at your flaws.

They don't see what's good about you, they just see the bad in you. They point out when you're in your worst conditions, but not when you're at your best.

You could seem as if you fell into 10ft deep of shit and cry your eyeballs out and no one would ask you what's wrong. You could seem as if you're in the foulest mood of all and they choose to ignore it and just throw scornful looks or words at you.

You don't feel the least bit appreciated. You feel as if you're transparent, you're not there. You feel as if you're just another person taking up just another room, and eat up another portion of a meal. You feel as if you're not at all significant. You could disappear but no one would wonder where you went.

You could be crying in front of them, sulking and everything and no one would care.


People just keep pointing out your flaws and not think about how you feel. People would shout at you the first thing in the morning, and of course you'd be in a bad mood, but they expect you to fucking keep it in you and pretend nothing's wrong and be the happy dandy you.

No one understands you. No one will ever understand you.

All you have to do is shut the fuck up and just "mm" and nod at everything, everyone will be happy. Everyone except for you. You hide in your room all day as an escape route but those people just come in and find something to mess you up with, make everything your fault.

People don't care how you're feeling. They never ask. They just expect you to be okay all the time, even after endless insults and scoldings.

Just because you don't show it, it doesn't mean that you don't feel. You're human too. You have feelings too. But do they care? No.

All that matters seems to be themselves. As long as they're happy, then all's good.

A tiny problem could become a huge problem.

Why can't everyone just shut up for a while?


When you're all happy and everything, people don't say a single thing. But once you're in a foul mood and make the slightest fuss or just say something harsh, everyone hates on you.

It's not that you don't feel like talking to people. You don't want to isolate yourself from the world. You don't want to make people unhappy. You just somehow do it. Once you open your mouth, everything's wrong.

You want to tell people your stories, but they'd most probably not listen. They'd just listen to you for like 5 seconds then go off and do whatever they were doing. So what's the whole point of trying to talk anyway?

You get scolded for not trying to make conversations with certain people. But have those people who scolded you ever thought of why you don't? Do they know that you'd just end up in trouble or something whenever you try?

There's no one you can talk to because no one understands you. And you don't know how to make people understand you. You just weep, hug something and cry your eyeballs out while listening to music.

The only time you feel important is when you've achieved something, the best in something. When you're not the best, you're nothing.



You feel unappreciated. But who cares?

People just come to you when they need something.


Just smile and act as if nothing's wrong. No one really cares.




BOTTOM LINE: DO PEOPLE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL OR WHY YOU'RE ACTING THE WAY YOU'RE ACTING?!?! BEFORE THEY ACTUALLY JUDGE YOU OR SHOUT AT YOU?!?

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I feel like a completely useless piece of shit. I'm just wasting space and taking up oxygen which could benefit others more. Wtf.

I'm very loved and cared for, but not by the people who matters the most to me. Around them, I feel as if I'm transparent and not important. I can't have my say in things because I'd most probably say something wrong and get scolded. 

I'll just shut up and listen to music, wtf, because nothing could go wrong like that. Oh wait, something could! Maybe someone would be calling me or talking to me but I can't hear it and I'd get scolded for not answering back. But when I answer back, I'd most probably say something wrong and get scolded (I know I just typed this wtf) Oh well. 

I've given up on trying.

Why can't I do something I want being judged? Why can't something I want to do be important? Why don't I matter? 

This is a very emo post. Please excuse me for this.

I need to continue my journey to my land of happiness, if I'll ever reach it. Wtf.

Sheena.

P.S. Don't worry, I'll be okay. HAHA. I am pretty sure. Because if Sheena isn't happy, Sheena isn't really Sheena. Sheena's meant to always be happy :))